Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Silly American Criminals

from: sweetie79.tripod.com/Jokes/Law&Justice/law7.htm

This just goes to show the quality of our criminals has definitely taken a nose-dive!

Florida:

Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the bank one day.  Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS,  THIS IS A ****-UP!"  For a moment,   everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.  The would-be thief ran away and is still at large.

Tennessee:

A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera.  While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

Louisiana:

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled out a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.  The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.    If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

Arkansas:

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.   Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

New York:

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.  The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give the police a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher.  They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store.  The thief was then taken out of the car and told, "Stand there for a positive ID."  To this instruction the man replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

Washington:

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he had bargained for.   Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motorhome near spilled sewage.  A police spokesperson said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motorhome's sewage tank by  mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

New Jersey:

A Newark woman reporting her car as stolen mentioned that there was a car phone in it.  The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car.  They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

Michigan: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 7:50 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.   When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home--.  with the chain still attached to the machine-- with their bumper still attached to the chain-- with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

File this Under Silly Canadian Criminals

from dumbcriminals. com/cars/in-prison-there-is-no-beer/

CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) – A man suspected of stealing a loaded beer truck was nabbed after a police dog followed a trail of beer and clothes to find him hiding on top of a porch, Edmonton police said on Tuesday.

The police dog was called out to a parking lot in the western Canadian city on Monday morning where a beer delivery truck, recently stolen outside a liquor store, had been abandoned after a collision.

Edmonton police spokeswoman Karen Carlson said the dog and its handler followed a trail of discarded beer, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building.

A crime like this could only happen in Canada where the populace consumes more beer than the world consumes water, which is ironic because their beer is practically water.

But that must have been a close one. There’s only one of three things that a trail of empty beer cans and smelly clothes could lead to: (1) a stolen beer truck, (2) a frat house during Rush Week, (3) Mel Gibson.

But the chase didn’t end there. The story said he tried to run out the back window of his second-story apartment when police showed up at his door. He claimed he was going on a beer run.

Side Note:

I know a friend of a friend that decided to go on a similarly dumb beer run in Toronto. He just left a trail of trashed vehicles for the police to track him. (Oh well, his toronto criminal lawyer has a mortgage to pay off too.)

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